A HolidAY rEMINDER

What do you do when the festive season isn’t so festive? When all you hear from others is the excited chatter of upcoming plans and arrangements, when everywhere you go is filled with cheerful Christmas tunes and you see the hubbub of people bustling around to gather everything they needed for the perfect holiday period?

For many years I’d be surrounded by the chaos of friends and co-workers who would be eagerly talking about their upcoming plans, who would eventually, turn in my direction and pointedly ask about mine.

“Uh. I don’t know yet..” I would mumble, just to ward off any further questions. The truth was – I didn’t feel like celebrating. The 21st of December had been the day I was brutally and viciously attacked and raped by an unknown man in my own home. Christmas that year, had been spent with my neck in a brace, stitches in my head, bruising and lacerations all over my body and barely able to comprehend the shock I was feeling.

Nothing had been the same since that day.

For a few years thereafter, I would cloister myself away, knowing that I simply wouldn’t be good company and be alone. I would sleep a lot and do very little else except watch a bit of television or scroll social media. In between this numb existence, I would sob uncontrollably, grieving over the demise of my marriage, my survival and the part of me that was lost forever.

I would be so frustrated at myself for not moving through this period quickly enough. One year, I packed my bags and took myself on an overseas trip, thinking that getting out of the house and a change of scenery would do me good. Only to find myself crying in a hotel room alone on Christmas day, unable to suppress my tears as the loneliness and heartache overcame me. I knew then that I would be unable to run away from what I was feeling.

So what could I do?

When would this end?

They say ‘time heals all wounds’ and so I just gave in to the pain. I let myself rest when I needed to rest and I made sure that I ate wholesome, nourishing foods. Then I cried when I felt like crying and when the feelings of misery ebbed, I would take steps to look after myself. I drank lots of water, I worked out intermittently, I lit candles and played soothing music and tried to surround myself with the things I felt would help someone onto recovery.

While all that was well and good, I was missing a very important factor: I was missing human interaction. Something I think we all take for granted or get tired of at times, but is in fact a fundamental part of the human experience and integral to our existence. Fortunately, I had a wonderful group of people around me and many that came to the forefront during this time. I started accepting an invitation to spend time with a friend and her family, for a lunch out with a few co-workers, I would make phone calls and very slowly, year by year, the holiday period, while with some tough reminders – actually started to feel festive again.

So don’t underestimate the power of human connection, accept the olive branches as they come and if you know someone going through a tough time, it never hurts to reach out and offer an invitation. Time is the most precious commodity you can spend on someone.