Gratitude
It’s difficult to believe that only two months ago, my rapist walked out of prison as a free man. Since then, I have embarked on my own personal journey, in search of capturing the carefree spirit I once embodied. I have climbed to the top of some of the world’s most celebrated monuments. I have plunged into deep, blue oceans and lakes. I have laughed until my sides were sore and cried with raw emotion at the awe-inspiring sights I have been so fortunate to witness – and did not think I ever could - in my lifetime.
Enjoying this period of self-discovery and short-lived freedom has made me feel lighter and certainly brought in a fresh perspective of my situation. In the larger scheme of the world and its chaos, I feel a deep sense of gratitude, not simply for being lucky enough to experience my time abroad, but for the wonderful circle of people who rallied around me during the toughest of times, keeping me buoyant and a part of this world.
I have been incredibly grateful for the support received and given for B.RA.V.E: Building Restoration And Victim Empathy offender program, and while the work continues and the bid for funding is far from over, it has been wonderful to take a reprieve from the darkness and trauma often dealt with in such work. Taking a bit of time to break away has been deeply cathartic and I have relished this opportunity to engage in a bit of my own soul-searching. It is these moments for which I am truly grateful.
There is emerging research around the effects of practicing gratitude on mental health, the National Library of Medicine published an article from Einstein Sao Paulo that concluded that “The results demonstrate that acts of gratitude can be used as a therapeutic complement for treating anxiety and depression and can increase positive feelings and emotions in the general population (Diniz, G., Korkes, L., Tristão, L. S., Pelegrini, R., Bellodi, P. L., & Bernardo, W. M. 2023).”This is something I am working on practicing with more regularity in my everyday life. I do not have daily affirmations or chant repetitions (although if this approach works for you – go for it!), I simply marvel at the situation I am in – whether it is a breathtaking sunset or having a delicious meal - I think about how lucky I am to be in this moment right now. I stay present and take in as much as I can, capturing each nuance and storing it in my mind, like an inventory to be drawn on in the inevitable tougher times in life.
This isn’t to say that I have not had moments of anxiety or frustration – I certainly have. There will always be trying times and fighting ‘the good fight’, is never easy, I am simply working towards embodying better practices for my own sake and sharing my experiences with others who will (hopefully) find my ramblings somewhat helpful in their own life’s journeys regardless of whether they too, have experienced sexual trauma.
It can be so difficult to navigate a life after such an event.
But try.
It’s worth it.